Stop Dating Men You Don't Like

Christian dating can get a little weird sometimes. Some people try to make you feel like the only standard you should have is that a man is saved and faithful. I beg to differ. The word says that God made a counterpart who was suitable for Adam. The word "suitable" means "right or appropriate for a particular person, purpose, or situation." That means that what God gave to Adam was appropriate or specifically tailored for who he was. You know what that means? That means, who God has for you is not some "run of the mill, just because he goes to your church you have to date him even though you really don't like him" kind of guy! 

Interjection...

But lets start at the beginning...God knows who you are and what type of man is "suitable" for who he created you to be. Many times the reason you're confused about who to date is because you have no clue who you are! How can you compliment what you dont know? I know I have a tendency to be more imaginable than logical. Therefore I know in terms of counterparts, I need someone who's more logical. I know me, and through the grace of God by identifying who I am, I now know what's suitable. So before you go off finding a husband, I think it's best to find yourself.

Now back to the task at hand. Why would you date a man you dont like!? Just because he has a (good) job? Because he sits 3 rows behind you and lifts his hands during praise and worship? Sis...those aren't standards. Going out with a man because on the surface it seems like the "right" thing to do, can often have you in the "wrong" place. Dating a man you really dont like, is like cooking a steak when you really dont eat red meat when all you had to do was wait to go to the grocery store. It's lazy. It's a waste of time. It's a waste of that person's time. 

Stop letting people tell you to settle. Stop letting them tell you that you will grow to love a person and to "give them a chance." Relationships should start out as friendships and grow into something more. Stop accepting the first dinner reservation that walks your way. 

End Rant. 

Happy Monday :) lol

No More Pretend Perfection

If I had to define my "brand" in one word it would be: Transparency.  Religion can tend to make the very people that come looking for help, turn around in shame because it depicts a picture of perfection that is a mirage and unattainable. For a while now, I knew I was always called to be the "me too" Christian. God has always placed me in a space to be vulnerable with people who perceived me to have it all together. In those moments, it's always been me being honest/transparent, saying it's ok "me too" that encourages them that if God can do it for me; He can do it for them too.

One thing that I have found, is that often it's not the lost or unsaved that it is hardest to pour into; it's the woman who's been in church all her life. Something about being in church all your life makes it difficult to say you're damaged, you're depressed, you're bitter, the list goes on. Many times it's ok to come into the church with an issue, but God forbid you've been in church your whole life and still have a major issue. The visitor can come down for prayer about pornography, but the Teen Pastor can be reprimanded for requesting guidance in the same area.

So what happens? They stay quiet; and an issue untreated becomes a problem that grows out of proportion. Something like a snag that unravels an entire dress. All because many are too prideful to be a safe space, a light, a beacon of hope to a person who thinks they're the only one who is unable to get it all together.

Recently I was sharing with a young women about a mistake I made and how God helped me to overcome it. One of my friends began to tell me that was the wrong thing to do because the young women looked up to me. I responded by telling them that's exactly why she needed to know. Women need to know that even the women they look up to have gone through the things that they are struggling with. They need to know that the people who's path they use as an example sometimes had to crawl up that road before they walked. THEY NEED TO KNOW....and it's ok to tell them when led by God.

The core of Cool Saved Chicks is to create a community of women who are approachable and available to be transparent about what God has done for them. The concept conveys that although I have Christ I'm not out of touch with the monotony of life. Women don't ask for help because we can often make them ashamed for having the problem. No more shame. No more pretend perfection. Cool Saved Chicks live their truth and it helps to set others free. Give freedom <3

Pray Before You Pick

I've been adulting so well this year! You know, remembering to do personal things on time like renewing my registration and getting my taxes done before April...so very proud of myself! Yet, there's one thing I have yet to master. I go to the grocery store about 3 times a week (don't judge me, k? k.) and each time I pick up about 2 avocados. After becoming a grocery shopping guru, you would think I've learned to discern which ones are ripe...but it seems it's always hit or miss. Either they're no where near ripe, or one day away from being rotten. Each time I am left with the same feeling of frustration when I get home.

Why can't I pick the right one at the right time? Why is it so hard to assess which one is ripe for that day? We'll get back to that...

I've learned through the word that God operates in seasons. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that to everything there is a season, a specific time for specific activity.  That means there is a point in life where certain things are ripe for the picking. Those things in that season are equipped for fruit from your activity and attention toward them. Being in season, means in that time you have the opportunity for maximum capacity from that specific thing.

But so many of us operate out of season. With our hearts being a garden filled with seeds of potential and possibility, we have so many options to devote our precious time, energy and activity. But like my avocados, we choose the wrong one. Sometimes electing to focus on a dream or vision that hasn't quite reached full maturity, or electing an option that died in a season past and needs to be re-cultivated before it can even be touched.

We tend to water seeds that are not intended to grow in this season and neglect the ones that seemingly have potential to thrive during this time.

How does that happen? Well, with my avocados I found that I was picking based on how it looked. I figured if it was a deeper green that meant it was ready. Sometimes that's the way we choose to focus our attention during a season; based on what it looks like. We give attention to the thing that seems as though it will yield the most happiness, money and take us further in life. But that doesn't work.

Even a plant that is out of season will begin to grow if you water it. But it won't grow for very long. It will hit a plateau and wither away as quickly as it sprouted.

I found out the process to assess the ripeness of the avocado was by feeling the inside with the palms of your hands. Could it be that the way to assess what you should be focusing on in this season is the same? To really allow the spirit to lead and guide you through the palms of your hands? I'm talking about prayer! How is it that we so often make decisions about what to focus on and never think to consult God on what is "in season" for our lives at this moment. We focus on things that are not ready for our attention or waste time on things we should have focused on last season and God is able to tell us exactly what's ready right now!

Every good thing is not good in this moment. That's the frustrating part. You can be doing a really good thing at the wrong time and that actually makes it the wrong thing. Unripe fruit is just as bad as rotten fruit. Why? Because, either way the substance will never be able to fulfill you. It is void of nutrients and lacks what you intended to receive.

Timing is totally God's job but he makes known the time and the season through the Holy Spirit, sometimes we're just not listening. Before you set out starting a business, beginning relationship or formatting a plan see what has the potential to thrive through a conversation with God. Pray Before You Pick.