I'm sorry I'm not sorry...

I've been trying this new thing where I am unapologetic about my decisions. As I grow older and move forward in each day to day task assertive of my wants and needs, I find that if I am sure about something, if I love something, if God has confirmed something...I am at complete peace about it.

But...there was a recent occurrence in which I apologized. I said I was sorry for making a family member uncomfortable. I apologized for being in a place of total surrender. I apologized for making them feel as though I felt I was different from them.

I had to take back my apology.

I'm not sorry. I mean, I feel sorry, for them. I feel sorry that they are upset that I no longer fit into the box I originally came in. But the reason I'm writing this is because I want people to understand that fitting is not what boxes are for. Boxes are for delivery. The parts inside are for assembly.

Let me explain.

I like to think that everyone has a box. It's nice, it's safe, it holds all the pieces. But then something happens, all of a sudden the pieces are taken out! The pieces are identified, sorted and put together, sometimes slowly, often times painfully, but nevertheless they are put together and assembled. Once you take something out of a box and assemble it as required by the instructions, often times it won't fit back into that same box. It has become what it was meant to be. All the pieces have come together creating the purpose it had when all those pieces were placed into the box together.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT disassemble to make other people feel comfortable. While it is true that boxes are easier to carry and transport, don't begin back tracking on your growth so that it makes it easier for others to handle you. It's easier to manage something in a box, it takes delicate handling once it's put together. Assembly literally changes who and what is even able or equipped to handle you. It's ok not to be "handled" by everybody.

I realize that often times, people will get upset when they see other peoples pieces coming together,  but they shouldn't. They should figure out where their pieces go, and put their pieces together. Get out of your own box, your parts still work!

I used to try and squeeze back into my box. I would try to take off a few pieces to maneuver back in. I'd try not to talk about God, I would try to suppress how good he's been, how good he makes me feel because I didn't want to make people feel uncomfortable. I knew people liked me in my box and were fine with seeing the picture of what I could become, rather than seeing the finished product in the flesh. I vowed to never do that again.

God literally saved my life on more than one occasion, he has been beyond good! The least I can do for him is use every single piece and part he's given me. When I get to heaven I want to be assembled, I want my box to be empty. You should want the same.