Ok...so I'm going to get a little personal, bear with me.
After a failed relationship about almost 2 years ago now, I really began centering myself spiritually. There were many things I was not yet ready to let go of, but I decided sex would be the one thing that I would stay away from...so I did. For a while before I even made the decision it seemed as though a lot of guilt came when I engaged in intimacy, so it felt good not engaging in the act, however I was afraid that I would never find a man that would actually be with me and marry me without "test driving" me. I prayed to God and really asked him, "what kind of man is going to do that, what kind of man is going to wait?" ...and I felt my spirit say "the right kind of man." I didn't understand (believe) it but I moved forward, obediently.
*Fast Forward a bit*
I met a guy...a great guy! And as we moved forward in dating he told me that he too was waiting...Look at God. Lol...I was shocked, amazed, almost in disbelief at how what God revealed to me had seemingly come to pass. The relationship progressed and in a very short period of time, we seemed to grow closer than I ever had with anyone else. Ultimately we ended up getting engaged. The relationship did not work out...but that's not what this post is about, what it IS about is the lesson God taught me.
What did I learn? Glad you asked...
First, I learned there are men, good men, that are willing to wait...
The best thing that you can ever do is challenge God. I don't mean rebelling, I mean by living and being obedient to what he said to do while reminding Him what He promised. I mean literally in prayer saying, "Ok God, I did this...now show me, I need to see!" God showed me, in a very short period of time might I add, that a man will wait, that he will marry me without needing a test drive. He showed me the power of non sexual communication and the ability to get to know a person mentally and emotionally while allowing them to know you in the same way. He taught me the importance of transparency and how to communicate feelings instead of brushing them over with sexual encounters.
Second, I learned that abstinence provides you with the amazing gift of "good - bye"...
I remember when I was in high school and while many of my friends were engaging in intimacy, I had my goods on lock lol...I was dating this guy and talking to that guy and literally never giving anyone my undivided attention...my peers didn't understand and neither did I until after I too began engaging in intimacy. Being intimate with someone literally provides that person with a piece of you, a piece that you are always seeking to get back once the relationship is over. When you are not having sex with a person, you may very well love them but there's a part of you that they will never have, there is a part of your spirit that they have never touched. My last break up was hard (and hard is an understatement) and while walking away was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, not going back to the relationship (as I've done with men in my past) was so much easier because I never lost a piece of myself that I was continually going back for.
I will not say that it is always easy, but I will say that my vision has never been more clear. My spirit of discernment has never been more on point. The caliber of men that I date has never been at so high a standard. I know now that I never want to be connected to someone that strongly again, until I know that connection will last forever.
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