I don't want it to "Look Right,"...I want it to "Be Right"

My drafts section has about 7 entries...I've been blogging for the past 4 months and have not posted 1 thing I've written lol. I think those were cleansing months for me, a chance for God to put things in perspective.

One of the things he's shown me is that when he is doing something in your life, you're a vessel and he is the one that determines what is delivered. When you alter that process, it is as if you contaminate the blessing he's trying to give. I realize more and more that God does not need my help, he needs my trust.

Transparent moment: I had no clue what "Cool Saved Chicks" was about. I had no clue what I was supposed to really do or the shape and form it was supposed to take. I just knew that God said "Start."

That's how it can be tho...sometimes God will tell you to take a step without revealing the staircase. And that's alright. What's wrong is that many times when we don't see the staircase, instead of waiting for God to reveal, we create our own next step. Sometimes we look at others staircases and even begin to mimic their steps.

When God is doing something great, something new, something that "eyes have not seen, nor have ears heard"...it won't look like everyone else's picture. When you take the time to piece together what you think God's promised you, it may look right, but it won't be right. As a matter of fact, it won't even feel right.

Growing in God I've learned that it's like I'm a brush, and God is the hand. He uses me to collect paint (situations, circumstances that I've gone through), and then creates strokes with my life to paint a picture that He ultimately will get the glory out of. I've learned that it's ok to be the brush. It is an honor to allow him to use my life to draw others closer to him.

Whether it's a relationship, or a business, or a ministry, when you begin to to be the hand instead of finding solace in being the brush, you run the risk of altering the picture. Altering the picture and  redefining your own path means the possibility of missing out on your God given purpose.

In the past couple of months I've committed myself to listening to God and following him, instead of my own ideas about what he wants. The more I listen, the more he reveals :) I'm excited.

Dear God...

I was supposed to be writing a deep inspirational post. It was gonna be composed using all the notes I've been taking lately during private bible study...but I changed my mind. I just want to write to/about God...so that's what I'm gonna do.

God is crazy good. His love surpasses anything I've ever been able to feel in this moment. Not sure what it is, there was nothing especially spectacular about today except for I felt him in it. That's how it's been lately. I've just been grateful and ridiculously happy. I always wondered what peace that surpasseth  all understanding felt like...this is it. I have no clue what's gonna happen next week, or next month, or next year. But I'm ok with that. The only plan I have, is to submit to his plan.

I've come to the place where not only do I watch God give me the desires of my heart, but the desires I have are changing. I realized that now that my heart is completely after God, there's nothing that I desire that he doesn't desire for me. We're on the same page, I'm finally in the right book. I refuse to leave this place.

He is love. I know that now better than ever. I finally get it. It's finally enough. I just feel so undeserving. After so many mistakes. After I took so long to pay attention. After I took so long to submit. He waited for me...smh. I love Him. I want this for everyone. I just wish I could give them(you) this feeling, this freedom. But I can't...only He can. So I plan to do the next best thing, I want to show you. My life is an ode to the love of God. A witness to the extraordinary favor he can bestow should you allow him. #WatchHimWork

SP

Don't get attached to your assignment

I get attached.

I think it developed when I was younger, when I would bring home stray cats and such trying to take care of them when I couldn't even take care of myself lol

I guess even back then I had this gift for caring for people and things. And, I believe that's ok. I believe it's ok to be called to watch over, to cover, to love, to care for people. But what I have found is that there is a significant problem with not letting go of people, and things that I was once assigned to but remained attached to long after the task is completed. 

I know I generally don't blog about the bible specifically, but I couldn't help but to be reminded of Samuel and how he was sent to anoint Saul as King. Samuel watched over Saul and instructed him as led by God. Then Saul messed up and God told Samuel to move on to the next assignment. Samuel was hurt. He had grown attached to Saul! God literally had to say, "get over it, stop crying, let go, I have something else for you to do!"...sometimes it's like that.  

Sometimes as children of God, He will literally place us in a situation to be a blessing and that's it. Sometimes he wants us to teach and/or learn a lesson. Nothing more, nothing less.

We can find ourselves stuck in Phase 1 because although we've completed our task and learned our lesson, we've somehow attached ourselves to a part of the process. It's literally like staying in kindergarden and not moving on to 1st grade because you are in love with your Kindergarden teacher.

I've come to the realization that many times I've overstayed my assignment in friendships, relationships, jobs, etc. simply because I was attached to the feeling of comfort and familiarity. That's a dangerous place to be. Why? Because there's no more provision when you've exhausted your purpose. That "lack of provision" is literally what begins to cause a shift in situations where you've overstayed your assignment. It's in the lack of conversation between you and your friend, the lack of understanding between you and someone you loved, the lack of fulfillment from the position that once brought you joy. 

It is a sad thing to miss out on your destination simply because you got comfortably attached along the way. You've got to grow so close to God that your obedience mirrors your trust Him. I've learned to put down what he tells me to put down, because I trust that it gives way to something He wants/needs me to pick up.

That hurt, didn't it?

This one time, I stuck my fingernail into an electric socket. I still have the scar as a reminder that sockets are not to be played with lol

I know what you're thinking, "where were your parents?"...well, the crazy thing is, well before I embarked on electrocuting myself, my parents distinctly told me to STOP sticking things into the socket. They even went so far as to put those little clear plastic things in them. But that wasn't going to stop me! Nope, I was 7 years old and fully capable of removing all protective measures that they'd put in place. 

To answer your question, my parents were out. Date night perhaps? I'm not sure. But my oldest brother was babysitting me. He was 15 years old at the time, and when it happened he was right there. The first thing he said was, "That hurt, didn't it?" ...and it did! 

Ok, so what's the point I'm attempting to make here...I'm glad you asked!

God is literally like the best dad ever, even better than mine (...and my Daddy is pretty freakin AWE-some). He protects us, often times from ourselves. He uses his Holy Spirit to communicate with us about things we should stay away from and paths to avoid. Sometimes he will even go as far as to literally put barriers between us and the pain we seek to inflict on ourselves. 

The problem is, sometimes our curiosity outweighs God's caution. Sometimes we want to know exactly what it feels like to touch a power that could kill us instead of listening to the power that lives within us!

I've had so many casual conversations with friends, read (and written) paragraph long text messages about lessons that we just can't seem to learn without "sticking our finger in the socket". I define a socket situation as something God specifically told you to stay away from. You know, that person, that place, that thing that you know God said, "don't touch that, stay away from that!". 

I know you have a socket...I actually want you to take a second right now if you're reading this and visualize your socket. Yep. Now, realize that the longer you keep that source of electricity in your midst and continue to ignore the power of God, you run the risk of being electrocuted. 

So many times we find ourselves hurt by things we just can't seem to leave alone! Looking back, not just at the scar on my finger, but at the scars on my heart that took so long to heal, I realize that they could have been avoided had I listened to my parent (God). Sometimes you don't understand his direction, but it is imperative to trust his plan for your life. 

One thing I can say I am proud of, is that it only takes once for something to electrocute me before I leave it alone. I know so many people who become repeat offenders, who become accustomed to the pain. Don't be that guy. Tap into the spirit of God within you and listen! Listen hard! The word says he will never leave you nor forsake you, it says he has plans to give you hope and a future. Live in expectancy. 

When you let God lead you, it doesn't just mean toward something, often times it means away from something too. If God said leave it alone, do just that. 

Dear God...are you "telling me" or are you "testing" me?!

I haven't blogged lately....sorry. It' s just that lately my thoughts and emotions have been a little to private for the public. But I promised a blog, so here it goes :)

You ever had an encounter with God where he showed you something so clearly, so vividly and then things began to align ever so perfectly with everything you thought he was saying? I mean, things just fell into place! Like, God confirms you are going to receive a car and out of nowhere your credit score is up, you start receiving money from unexpected places, and just like that you're driving out of the dealership...only to get into a full blown accident. 

Crazy! Right? ...sometimes I ask myself, "God why would you allow me to achieve so much in a lane where I would ultimately fail?"

One too many times I've skipped happily down paths only to turn around and crawl painfully back up. I can honestly say I used to have a certain type of resentment toward God for allowing certain situations to transpire so effortlessly within my life. However, I can't say each time was God's fault. Sometimes, I willingly made a wrong turn down a road I was told to steer clear of failing the direction God gave me. 

With that being said, I find myself at a crossroads. I've been so quiet lately trying to listen intently to the instructions he is giving. I find myself questioning whether he is telling me to move or patiently waiting to see if I will be still. But I realized that often times I question what he tells me when I am uncomfortable with the instruction. I become apprehensive when I see difficulty or potential pain on the horizon.

It can be difficult to continue listening to God, especially when you don't like what he's saying. So tonight I asked God why...why on earth does he continually create situations and direct me into complicated paths.

God revealed that nothing is ever out of order! When he is telling you to do something, things will fall into place, ways will be made, his plans will manifest in the natural in a way that only the spiritual realm would understand. What he made me realize is that even those situations that he set up to hurt me, worked out for my good. Sometimes God has to break us apart, to deposit something within. Sometimes there's no other way to get to what's already inside us waiting to be activated. I realized that he will give me the perfect walking shoes, and tell me to walk into a storm, just because he wants me to understand and be comfortable with getting wet. All because wet is a part of the next level. That's how he works! His ways are higher!

I've learned not to get so caught up on the process, but to instead be clear on the purpose of whatever the Spirit leads me to do. 

Comfortable Darkness, Painful Light

"Light is only painful when you've been in the dark for a long time" - Me

A little known fact about me: I generally wake up at about 3am in the morning dying of thirst. Therefore, I end up seeking out the bottle of water/cup of juice/corner of gatorade at my bedside. But, sometimes I forget and consequently have to make a trip to the kitchen. Generally I walk through the house in the dark, because I know where every corner, doorway, piece of furniture is located....until I moved.

Here I was in unfamiliar footage, bumping into everything! So, I turned the light on. Smh...that brief moment of excruciating pain was enough to make me immediately flip the switch back to off! I was content bumping into things in the dark, because I'd prefer that to hurting my eyes with the light.

That's how spiritual growth can be...

The comfort of the darkness in familiar territory is something I know all too well. But when God begins moving in your life, when he begins moving you into new territory, positioning you for purpose...you need the light.  And by light, not only do I mean God and his presence, but I mean the illumination of what/who is around you, clarity and clear vision for what is before you.

Now, when God begins to shine in your life it can (will) be painful. You're going to begin to see some things you don't want to see. You're going to see some people for who they truly are, you may even see yourself for who you truly used to be. Through light God reveals, he confirms, and he even denies. That can hurt. But the blessing in breaking the darkness, is your ability to see exactly where you're going, and staying in the light illuminates the way to get there!

I'm learning to be ok walking in the light. It's crazy how darkness has away of being attractive. But what's funny is, even when you turn out the light, for a moment you can still see everything. I can't run from what I've seen, and what God has already shown me.

If you can get past the point of the pain, you can have a clear view to the path of your purpose. Turn on the light, keep it on. Walk in it, thrive in it, get out of the dark.

I'm sorry I'm not sorry...

I've been trying this new thing where I am unapologetic about my decisions. As I grow older and move forward in each day to day task assertive of my wants and needs, I find that if I am sure about something, if I love something, if God has confirmed something...I am at complete peace about it.

But...there was a recent occurrence in which I apologized. I said I was sorry for making a family member uncomfortable. I apologized for being in a place of total surrender. I apologized for making them feel as though I felt I was different from them.

I had to take back my apology.

I'm not sorry. I mean, I feel sorry, for them. I feel sorry that they are upset that I no longer fit into the box I originally came in. But the reason I'm writing this is because I want people to understand that fitting is not what boxes are for. Boxes are for delivery. The parts inside are for assembly.

Let me explain.

I like to think that everyone has a box. It's nice, it's safe, it holds all the pieces. But then something happens, all of a sudden the pieces are taken out! The pieces are identified, sorted and put together, sometimes slowly, often times painfully, but nevertheless they are put together and assembled. Once you take something out of a box and assemble it as required by the instructions, often times it won't fit back into that same box. It has become what it was meant to be. All the pieces have come together creating the purpose it had when all those pieces were placed into the box together.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT disassemble to make other people feel comfortable. While it is true that boxes are easier to carry and transport, don't begin back tracking on your growth so that it makes it easier for others to handle you. It's easier to manage something in a box, it takes delicate handling once it's put together. Assembly literally changes who and what is even able or equipped to handle you. It's ok not to be "handled" by everybody.

I realize that often times, people will get upset when they see other peoples pieces coming together,  but they shouldn't. They should figure out where their pieces go, and put their pieces together. Get out of your own box, your parts still work!

I used to try and squeeze back into my box. I would try to take off a few pieces to maneuver back in. I'd try not to talk about God, I would try to suppress how good he's been, how good he makes me feel because I didn't want to make people feel uncomfortable. I knew people liked me in my box and were fine with seeing the picture of what I could become, rather than seeing the finished product in the flesh. I vowed to never do that again.

God literally saved my life on more than one occasion, he has been beyond good! The least I can do for him is use every single piece and part he's given me. When I get to heaven I want to be assembled, I want my box to be empty. You should want the same.