Dear God...

I was supposed to be writing a deep inspirational post. It was gonna be composed using all the notes I've been taking lately during private bible study...but I changed my mind. I just want to write to/about God...so that's what I'm gonna do.

God is crazy good. His love surpasses anything I've ever been able to feel in this moment. Not sure what it is, there was nothing especially spectacular about today except for I felt him in it. That's how it's been lately. I've just been grateful and ridiculously happy. I always wondered what peace that surpasseth  all understanding felt like...this is it. I have no clue what's gonna happen next week, or next month, or next year. But I'm ok with that. The only plan I have, is to submit to his plan.

I've come to the place where not only do I watch God give me the desires of my heart, but the desires I have are changing. I realized that now that my heart is completely after God, there's nothing that I desire that he doesn't desire for me. We're on the same page, I'm finally in the right book. I refuse to leave this place.

He is love. I know that now better than ever. I finally get it. It's finally enough. I just feel so undeserving. After so many mistakes. After I took so long to pay attention. After I took so long to submit. He waited for me...smh. I love Him. I want this for everyone. I just wish I could give them(you) this feeling, this freedom. But I can't...only He can. So I plan to do the next best thing, I want to show you. My life is an ode to the love of God. A witness to the extraordinary favor he can bestow should you allow him. #WatchHimWork

SP

Don't get attached to your assignment

I get attached.

I think it developed when I was younger, when I would bring home stray cats and such trying to take care of them when I couldn't even take care of myself lol

I guess even back then I had this gift for caring for people and things. And, I believe that's ok. I believe it's ok to be called to watch over, to cover, to love, to care for people. But what I have found is that there is a significant problem with not letting go of people, and things that I was once assigned to but remained attached to long after the task is completed. 

I know I generally don't blog about the bible specifically, but I couldn't help but to be reminded of Samuel and how he was sent to anoint Saul as King. Samuel watched over Saul and instructed him as led by God. Then Saul messed up and God told Samuel to move on to the next assignment. Samuel was hurt. He had grown attached to Saul! God literally had to say, "get over it, stop crying, let go, I have something else for you to do!"...sometimes it's like that.  

Sometimes as children of God, He will literally place us in a situation to be a blessing and that's it. Sometimes he wants us to teach and/or learn a lesson. Nothing more, nothing less.

We can find ourselves stuck in Phase 1 because although we've completed our task and learned our lesson, we've somehow attached ourselves to a part of the process. It's literally like staying in kindergarden and not moving on to 1st grade because you are in love with your Kindergarden teacher.

I've come to the realization that many times I've overstayed my assignment in friendships, relationships, jobs, etc. simply because I was attached to the feeling of comfort and familiarity. That's a dangerous place to be. Why? Because there's no more provision when you've exhausted your purpose. That "lack of provision" is literally what begins to cause a shift in situations where you've overstayed your assignment. It's in the lack of conversation between you and your friend, the lack of understanding between you and someone you loved, the lack of fulfillment from the position that once brought you joy. 

It is a sad thing to miss out on your destination simply because you got comfortably attached along the way. You've got to grow so close to God that your obedience mirrors your trust Him. I've learned to put down what he tells me to put down, because I trust that it gives way to something He wants/needs me to pick up.

That hurt, didn't it?

This one time, I stuck my fingernail into an electric socket. I still have the scar as a reminder that sockets are not to be played with lol

I know what you're thinking, "where were your parents?"...well, the crazy thing is, well before I embarked on electrocuting myself, my parents distinctly told me to STOP sticking things into the socket. They even went so far as to put those little clear plastic things in them. But that wasn't going to stop me! Nope, I was 7 years old and fully capable of removing all protective measures that they'd put in place. 

To answer your question, my parents were out. Date night perhaps? I'm not sure. But my oldest brother was babysitting me. He was 15 years old at the time, and when it happened he was right there. The first thing he said was, "That hurt, didn't it?" ...and it did! 

Ok, so what's the point I'm attempting to make here...I'm glad you asked!

God is literally like the best dad ever, even better than mine (...and my Daddy is pretty freakin AWE-some). He protects us, often times from ourselves. He uses his Holy Spirit to communicate with us about things we should stay away from and paths to avoid. Sometimes he will even go as far as to literally put barriers between us and the pain we seek to inflict on ourselves. 

The problem is, sometimes our curiosity outweighs God's caution. Sometimes we want to know exactly what it feels like to touch a power that could kill us instead of listening to the power that lives within us!

I've had so many casual conversations with friends, read (and written) paragraph long text messages about lessons that we just can't seem to learn without "sticking our finger in the socket". I define a socket situation as something God specifically told you to stay away from. You know, that person, that place, that thing that you know God said, "don't touch that, stay away from that!". 

I know you have a socket...I actually want you to take a second right now if you're reading this and visualize your socket. Yep. Now, realize that the longer you keep that source of electricity in your midst and continue to ignore the power of God, you run the risk of being electrocuted. 

So many times we find ourselves hurt by things we just can't seem to leave alone! Looking back, not just at the scar on my finger, but at the scars on my heart that took so long to heal, I realize that they could have been avoided had I listened to my parent (God). Sometimes you don't understand his direction, but it is imperative to trust his plan for your life. 

One thing I can say I am proud of, is that it only takes once for something to electrocute me before I leave it alone. I know so many people who become repeat offenders, who become accustomed to the pain. Don't be that guy. Tap into the spirit of God within you and listen! Listen hard! The word says he will never leave you nor forsake you, it says he has plans to give you hope and a future. Live in expectancy. 

When you let God lead you, it doesn't just mean toward something, often times it means away from something too. If God said leave it alone, do just that. 

Dear God...are you "telling me" or are you "testing" me?!

I haven't blogged lately....sorry. It' s just that lately my thoughts and emotions have been a little to private for the public. But I promised a blog, so here it goes :)

You ever had an encounter with God where he showed you something so clearly, so vividly and then things began to align ever so perfectly with everything you thought he was saying? I mean, things just fell into place! Like, God confirms you are going to receive a car and out of nowhere your credit score is up, you start receiving money from unexpected places, and just like that you're driving out of the dealership...only to get into a full blown accident. 

Crazy! Right? ...sometimes I ask myself, "God why would you allow me to achieve so much in a lane where I would ultimately fail?"

One too many times I've skipped happily down paths only to turn around and crawl painfully back up. I can honestly say I used to have a certain type of resentment toward God for allowing certain situations to transpire so effortlessly within my life. However, I can't say each time was God's fault. Sometimes, I willingly made a wrong turn down a road I was told to steer clear of failing the direction God gave me. 

With that being said, I find myself at a crossroads. I've been so quiet lately trying to listen intently to the instructions he is giving. I find myself questioning whether he is telling me to move or patiently waiting to see if I will be still. But I realized that often times I question what he tells me when I am uncomfortable with the instruction. I become apprehensive when I see difficulty or potential pain on the horizon.

It can be difficult to continue listening to God, especially when you don't like what he's saying. So tonight I asked God why...why on earth does he continually create situations and direct me into complicated paths.

God revealed that nothing is ever out of order! When he is telling you to do something, things will fall into place, ways will be made, his plans will manifest in the natural in a way that only the spiritual realm would understand. What he made me realize is that even those situations that he set up to hurt me, worked out for my good. Sometimes God has to break us apart, to deposit something within. Sometimes there's no other way to get to what's already inside us waiting to be activated. I realized that he will give me the perfect walking shoes, and tell me to walk into a storm, just because he wants me to understand and be comfortable with getting wet. All because wet is a part of the next level. That's how he works! His ways are higher!

I've learned not to get so caught up on the process, but to instead be clear on the purpose of whatever the Spirit leads me to do. 

Comfortable Darkness, Painful Light

"Light is only painful when you've been in the dark for a long time" - Me

A little known fact about me: I generally wake up at about 3am in the morning dying of thirst. Therefore, I end up seeking out the bottle of water/cup of juice/corner of gatorade at my bedside. But, sometimes I forget and consequently have to make a trip to the kitchen. Generally I walk through the house in the dark, because I know where every corner, doorway, piece of furniture is located....until I moved.

Here I was in unfamiliar footage, bumping into everything! So, I turned the light on. Smh...that brief moment of excruciating pain was enough to make me immediately flip the switch back to off! I was content bumping into things in the dark, because I'd prefer that to hurting my eyes with the light.

That's how spiritual growth can be...

The comfort of the darkness in familiar territory is something I know all too well. But when God begins moving in your life, when he begins moving you into new territory, positioning you for purpose...you need the light.  And by light, not only do I mean God and his presence, but I mean the illumination of what/who is around you, clarity and clear vision for what is before you.

Now, when God begins to shine in your life it can (will) be painful. You're going to begin to see some things you don't want to see. You're going to see some people for who they truly are, you may even see yourself for who you truly used to be. Through light God reveals, he confirms, and he even denies. That can hurt. But the blessing in breaking the darkness, is your ability to see exactly where you're going, and staying in the light illuminates the way to get there!

I'm learning to be ok walking in the light. It's crazy how darkness has away of being attractive. But what's funny is, even when you turn out the light, for a moment you can still see everything. I can't run from what I've seen, and what God has already shown me.

If you can get past the point of the pain, you can have a clear view to the path of your purpose. Turn on the light, keep it on. Walk in it, thrive in it, get out of the dark.

I'm sorry I'm not sorry...

I've been trying this new thing where I am unapologetic about my decisions. As I grow older and move forward in each day to day task assertive of my wants and needs, I find that if I am sure about something, if I love something, if God has confirmed something...I am at complete peace about it.

But...there was a recent occurrence in which I apologized. I said I was sorry for making a family member uncomfortable. I apologized for being in a place of total surrender. I apologized for making them feel as though I felt I was different from them.

I had to take back my apology.

I'm not sorry. I mean, I feel sorry, for them. I feel sorry that they are upset that I no longer fit into the box I originally came in. But the reason I'm writing this is because I want people to understand that fitting is not what boxes are for. Boxes are for delivery. The parts inside are for assembly.

Let me explain.

I like to think that everyone has a box. It's nice, it's safe, it holds all the pieces. But then something happens, all of a sudden the pieces are taken out! The pieces are identified, sorted and put together, sometimes slowly, often times painfully, but nevertheless they are put together and assembled. Once you take something out of a box and assemble it as required by the instructions, often times it won't fit back into that same box. It has become what it was meant to be. All the pieces have come together creating the purpose it had when all those pieces were placed into the box together.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT disassemble to make other people feel comfortable. While it is true that boxes are easier to carry and transport, don't begin back tracking on your growth so that it makes it easier for others to handle you. It's easier to manage something in a box, it takes delicate handling once it's put together. Assembly literally changes who and what is even able or equipped to handle you. It's ok not to be "handled" by everybody.

I realize that often times, people will get upset when they see other peoples pieces coming together,  but they shouldn't. They should figure out where their pieces go, and put their pieces together. Get out of your own box, your parts still work!

I used to try and squeeze back into my box. I would try to take off a few pieces to maneuver back in. I'd try not to talk about God, I would try to suppress how good he's been, how good he makes me feel because I didn't want to make people feel uncomfortable. I knew people liked me in my box and were fine with seeing the picture of what I could become, rather than seeing the finished product in the flesh. I vowed to never do that again.

God literally saved my life on more than one occasion, he has been beyond good! The least I can do for him is use every single piece and part he's given me. When I get to heaven I want to be assembled, I want my box to be empty. You should want the same.  

But God, that's not what I asked for...

When I was a little kid, I remember asking my mother how to spell a word and she would always reply with, "Go look it up in the dictionary!"...I would retort with a serious *blink...blink....blankstare*

What frustrated me the most about her reply was the fact that she's asking me to look something up knowing I have no clue exactly where to find it! Why on earth can't you tell me how to spell it?! Why can't you comply with my logical process and save  me the time of thumbing through an entire section of Webster!? ...but I did it, *shrugs* I was a pretty obedient child lol...but what I learned was that by going through the process of looking the word up, not only did I find the word I was looking for, I found many other words and even stopped to figure out what some of them meant!

Lately I've had to remind myself of this childhood lesson. I've found myself anxious about every area of my life simultaneously. Moreover, I find that many of the blessings God promised me require me to "go"! They involve my physical actions to result in manifestation. But my childhood lesson encourages me to realize that there is much to be learned on the path to manifestation.

Often times when you receive a finished product, you lack knowledge about the process. To me it's almost like gardening. When you go into the store, you have no idea where the fruits and vegetables came from, you know not what they've been through, you have no clue how they were cared for, what they went thru, if they're nice on the outside but all bruised in the center. But when you grow it in your own garden, although it may take longer, although it requires your attention, although it requires commitment to the process, in the end it was nurtured by you and therefore you know all about it!

But here's the best part...much like looking up a word in the dictionary, not only do you get what you were looking for (your fruit), but now you gain new found knowledge about gardening in the process! I'm learning that while you may ask God for a fruit, he'll give you a seed instead, not to frustrate you, but to mature you in areas necessary for the care of the fruit! That's the beauty in a seed. Having a seed, holding the potential, denotes your ability to nurture and care for that fruit from the beginning and to grow in the process!

Don't be discouraged when you ask God for a fruit and he gives you a seed instead. Often times, the process is just as important as the product. God allowing you to be present for the growth, symbolizes his need for your specific tending. 

"...But you can't give up on your seed. Don't quit!!" - Hart Ramsey <----- What he said.

Parts of Growth that REALLY Upset Me...Part 1

The more I grow spiritually, I find that there are aspects of this journey that although painful are very necessary. I wanted to encourage anyone growing to keep going!

So, this is Part 1 of  3 of a series called: Parts of Growing Spiritually that REALLY Upset Me

Part 1: That's Not Good Enough...Not Anymore

A long time ago (Not really) I used to substitute places where God should be with other things. You know, like how when you should be praying for peace, but you drink a whole bottle of wine to subside mental frustration instead. Yea, that was me.

Remember the outsourcing I talked about in another post, well I had a remedy for just about everything. Social Media for ego boosting, male companionship for my inability to be alone, and clubbing to escape my reality.

But then, there was this change in me. Those things didn't work anymore, they weren't good enough anymore.   

I was reminded of a song by Charles Butler and Trinity called "More Than Enough"...there's this part that goes "I tried him, and I found out, that Jesus, is more than enough for meeeee"....I absolutely love that song, I've actually loved it for a while, but I love it a little more now, it means a little more now...

When I used to sing it I meant it but I didn't understand it. Kind of like when you said "I Love You" in kindergarten to some kid on the playground...oh , you meant it, but you really didn't understand the magnitude of what you were saying. That's how I used to sing that song, and then one day...I actually meant it. But not only did I mean it, I actually messed around and really "tried him".

When I opened up myself to really growing, God created in me a need to grow my problem solving techniques. The peace and presence that comes with prayer can not be rivaled by any vice....and that upset me.

It's so very easy to want to go back to what used to work! It really upset me that I couldn't smooth over my inadequacies with activities that gave me momentary relief, it upset me that I really had to push through and be better, I had to face things head on and allow God to deal with them.

When you get to that point there's no going back. When you outgrow the shoe you were wearing at 5, you don't put it back on when you're 10...it just doesn't feel right....and that's ok, because the new shoe was made specifically for you. 

I'm learning that a part of growing spiritually is outgrowing naturally. It get's uncomfortable, but it's rewarding, and I'm cool with that :)  

Forget Familiar...

So, I've been doing these bible studies right, and this week we're reading Ruth.

I'm pretty sure I've read Ruth a few times during my lifetime but I'm at this place in my life where I literally question God after reading now. I mean, I question him like I know him, because I do. Today's question was, "God, I know this book is about Ruth, but what happened to the other chick?" ...yes, I literally looked up to heaven and asked that...and then I waited for an answer.

[sidebar] I used to wonder why/how people really heard from God, how did they get (the correct) direction. Then one day as I was reading a verse that says "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God..." there's more to the scripture, but when I read that I had an epiphany, in order to hear I have to read. So that's what I do...I read, I ask, I listen. It works...

Ok...back to today's question. I read the entire book. I understood that Ruth's husband died, she stayed with her mother in law, she followed her directions, and ended up being remarried to someone who could provide and take care of them both. At the end I was left wondering what happened to the other daughter in law?! The one that one that was married to the other son...what did she get? God's answer...nothing. Nothing worth writing anymore about anyway. 

That taught me something. The part that was left out of this story, seemed to teach me more than anything that I read. I realized that when you go back to what is familiar (instead of staying on the new path that has been created for you) you can end up with nothing. 

Here *goes to look up her name because I can't remember it* Orpah was, literally attached to the family that would one day bear King David and eventually Jesus! But she went back, she turned around, she missed out. 

Why did she miss out? Why did she leave? Because her husband died. Because the original attachment was no longer a part of the equation. Where am I going with this? Many times, people will leave you, whether by death or by choice, they will leave...and that's fine! They aren't supposed to stay. In actuality, them leaving is often times the gateway to what your actual blessing/purpose is! Without the death of her husband, Ruth never would have married Boaz, they never would have had Obed, he never would have had Jesse, there never would have been a King David. 

So this revelation about Orpah taught me, not to be afraid about what's ahead. There is no need to retreat to what's familiar. Stay the course, even when the faces on the course change. Keep going, even when it's uncomfortable. Your very legacy depends on it! Turning around is literally the difference between being read about amongst men, and people not remembering your name. 

Alone-ness

*deep sigh* Transparency is so tough, but it is also very necessary. I want to help someone...even if it's only one.

Ok...so I'm going to write as clear as possible so that who ever is led to read this will understand.

I think spiritually I began changing (growing) almost 2 years ago. It started with being uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable in what was once a very comfortable environment. I felt guilty about having sex. I began to have a low tolerance for alcohol. I had a tendency to feel out of place with friends that were at one time very familiar. I didn't understand it...and I didn't like it.

Then something happened...I put myself in a position where it became normal for me not to do those things based on my relationship. I was put in a situation where I was separated from everything I knew, to be with a person I loved. Ah ha! Perfect scenario right...I'm not weird, I'm just doing it because it's what I have to do! I'm doing it because it is what is required of me!

But then...I was separated from that person too.

I was at a crossroads, I wanted to go back to what I was doing before, I wanted to go back to the people I missed, I wanted to go back to what was "familiar"...but at that time even the things that used to be familiar seemed to be out of touch. Familiarity wasn't familiar, and my new found spiritual crutch was no where in sight. So I was alone. It was just me....just me, and God.

But alone was the beginning....There's this amazing beauty in alone-ness. You are forced to look at yourself and face exactly who you are. You are given the opportunity to hear the quiet and still voice of God revealing to you exactly who he is. Through that process, I grew to love him in a way I never had before. I grew to love him FOR MYSELF. I was not being spoon fed the God that others wanted me to see, I was seeing him for myself. Not for the form or fashion of impressing someone, not because I wanted something, not because I was forced to, but because I wanted to....I needed to. He was all that I had in that moment of time and while everything around me was changing, he was constant. I was no longer ashamed of who I really was, and I didn't care about how people felt about me proclaiming who He is.

And another thing...
I was happy. I'm not talking regular smiles and walks in the park, hot summer day off from work happy. I'm talking about soul stirring, joyful tears, I don't even deserve this kind of happy. Not being comfortable in your alone-ness leaves you outsourcing for completion. So when you are down, you outsource for someone to lift your spirit. When you need advice, you outsource for an opinion. When you are confused, you outsource for validation. That was me! I was an "outsourcer"! But with this new found happy that grew out of my alone-ness I can tap into the spirit inside me to pick myself up when I'm down, I'm confident in myself and the spirit of discernment that God has given me to make my own decisions.

He set me apart....he built me up...but it started with being alone.   

What Abstinence Taught Me...

Ok...so I'm going to get a little personal, bear with me.

After a failed relationship about almost 2 years ago now, I really began centering myself spiritually. There were many things I was not yet ready to let go of, but I decided sex would be the one thing that I would stay away from...so I did. For a while before I even made the decision it seemed as though a lot of guilt came when I engaged in intimacy, so it felt good not engaging in the act, however I was afraid that I would never find a man that would actually be with me and marry me without "test driving" me. I prayed to God and really asked him, "what kind of man is going to do that, what kind of man is going to wait?" ...and I felt my spirit say "the right kind of man." I didn't understand (believe) it but I moved forward, obediently.

*Fast Forward a bit*

I met a guy...a great guy! And as we moved forward in dating he told me that he too was waiting...Look at God. Lol...I was shocked, amazed, almost in disbelief at how what God revealed to me had seemingly come to pass. The relationship progressed and in a very short period of time, we seemed to grow closer than I ever had with anyone else. Ultimately we ended up getting engaged. The relationship did not work out...but that's not what this post is about, what it IS about is the lesson God taught me.

What did I learn? Glad you asked...

First, I learned there are men, good men, that are willing to wait...
The best thing that you can ever do is challenge God. I don't mean rebelling, I mean by living and being obedient to what he said to do while reminding Him what He promised. I mean literally in prayer saying, "Ok God, I did this...now show me, I need to see!" God showed me, in a very short period of time might I add, that a man will wait, that he will marry me without needing a test drive.  He showed me the power of non sexual communication and the ability to get to know a person mentally and emotionally while allowing them to know you in the same way. He taught me the importance of transparency and how to communicate feelings instead of brushing them over with sexual encounters.

Second, I learned that abstinence provides you with the amazing gift of "good - bye"...
I remember when I was in high school and while many of my friends were engaging in intimacy, I had my goods on lock lol...I was dating this guy and talking to that guy and literally never giving anyone my undivided attention...my peers didn't understand and neither did I until after I too began engaging in intimacy. Being intimate with someone literally provides that person with a piece of you, a piece that you are always seeking to get back once the relationship is over. When you are not having sex with a person, you may very well love them but there's a part of you that they will never have, there is a part of your spirit that they have never touched. My last break up was hard (and hard is an understatement) and while walking away was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, not going back to the relationship (as I've done with men in my past) was so much easier because I never lost a piece of myself that I was continually going back for.

I will not say that it is always easy, but I will say that my vision has never been more clear. My spirit of discernment has never been more on point. The caliber of men that I date has never been at so high a standard. I know now that I never want to be connected to someone that strongly again, until I know that connection will last forever. 

Tough Days

You ever had a day where you're just in a funk...like there's nothing specific that you are upset about, but your spirit is not on fire, not like usual....that's me today.

So I sat and I thought about it....I prayed....I even tried to force a praise in. Nothing.

So I thought some more...and then I remembered something:

This one time I was at my aunts house, and we were listening to Tye Tribbett. Everyone was in the kitchen and we were all singing at the top of our lungs, next thing I know, I was in a full blown shout...in the middle of the kitchen floor. By the time the song went off, I was waving my hands and thanking God. It was a very interesting moment, I mean, certain songs get me excited, but I'd never experienced my spirit being that overwhelmed out of nowhere.

The next day I received a major blessing from God. It was in that moment that I realized my spirit was praising God for something that I could not yet see in the natural. My spirit had literally gotten excited about what was to come!

So, back to today...one thing that I have learned on this journey is that the enemy's spirit is just as real as the spirit of the living God. The enemy also knows what God has in store for me! Today is merely his attempt and an attack on what lies ahead! I realized that I have literally at some point let my guard down for him to come in and interrupt my premeditated praise with a seed of chaos and confusion.

When you find that you have let the enemy in, you literally have to command him to leave. You can pray and praise all you want, but he (the enemy) is waiting for you to command him using your God given authority to cast him out! There's so much power in the tongue, many times a shift in the atmosphere merely requires you to open your mouth!

Use your power, I did...and I feel like I'm back on the right track! Excited about what is ahead! It's going to be a great day!

He Turned It...

I remember this one time when I had no desire to live.

It's so amazing how when you are in the midst of pain it seems as though its going to last forever.  It seems like you would take any way out if you could find one. But in that moment there is no relief. I remember being home alone, in my bedroom with the lights out, on my bed, crying. It was a gut wrenching cry. The kind where you can barely breathe and there's snot...lots of snot. I remember it so vividly. I remember asking God why I had to feel that pain. I remember telling him I'd been doing everything right! I remember telling him to take the pain away...but he didn't...not then...not for a while.

That day, I got a call while I was crying...the person on the other end of the phone told me to "Thank God anyway"...she told me to thank him for the pain, she told me to thank him for the strength that was coming, she told me to thank him for whatever He was preparing me for...so that's what I did. With tears in my eyes I thanked him, with tears in my eyes I gave him praise, I gave myself completely to him.

Everyday, I put on a smile, I prayed, I praised and went about my day. For a while the smile was fake, but the more I praised God, the more I prayed, the closer we became the more genuine the smile became. I realized that the pain I originally felt, it was a pull, it was a systematic attempt to draw me into the one who created joy, the very essence of love! God wanted me to himself, he wanted me so bad that he broke me, he let me fall down so hard that I came running to him.

I have found that pain almost always draws people closer. When you fall down as a child you run to your parent, you ask them to make it feel better, they hold you and it magically the pain subsides. That encounter after the pain breeds trust. God drew me in, he healed my pain, he allowed me to see him differently and trust him in away that surpassed my natural understanding.

*Fast Forward 6 months to the day*

Not only do I not feel the pain, but I have been walking in such light and joy that it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how good God truly is! We must learn not to fear letting go of something just because we think it will never come around again! God is the God of repeat performances! Sometimes he has to equip you to finish the journey you tried to take on your own. Trust him! Wait on him! I promise he WILL turn it! Pain won't last always, with God Joy will always come!

iWrite

Someone told me I should start blogging a long time ago...Her name was Kara. I didn't listen. Perhaps I wasn't supposed to...I guess back then I really did not have anything of substance to say.

Anywho...iWrite. I've never been able to completely convey my thoughts verbally as well as I could with characters *shrugs* I have no clue where this blogging thing will go...I'm not sure I will share... but my spirit told me to write...today. So here I am...writing lol

I do believe I am at the height of a spiritual journey. Each day I learn a new lesson, I begin to see God in a different way. His love and his ways amaze me in ways I only dreamed about. What started out as an uncomfortable process has truly become a lifestyle. I guess it's time to keep track of where I'm going, to reflect on where I've been.

It's ironic that today is the first day of April...this really weird thing has been going on where the number "4" has developed notable significance within my life in the past few weeks. I'm excited about the 4th month...I'm more excited to document whatever journey is to come.